After reading the following several chapters, I found that different values are the fundamental and core difference between men and women, which in brief is men value competency and pride in doing things on their own while women enjoy talking about their feelings and giving unsolicited advice.

If we bear that core in mind, reactions of men and women can be easily explained and conflicts can be resolved. When it comes to coping with stress, it’s also true.

When a man gets upset he never talks about it. Instead he becomes very quiet and privately thinks about the problem. He won’t have any attention to his partner until he finds a solution. If he can’t find a solution, he’ll do something else to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game.

In this case, his partner will feel ignored, unimportant and unloved, especially when she is upset and wants to talk about her feelings with the man, which is a woman’s way to cope with her stress. It is often at this moment that men and women will have the argument.

At the same time, if men don’t understand that women’s talking about the feelings is just a way to relieve their stress instead of listing problems, they will feel even more frustrated and being blamed, thus may instinctly resist her talking.

What should we do to avoid the argument and conflict?

For women, try to understand that men’s ignorance is not a sign that he doesn’t love her any more. Give him some time and space to let him solve the problem by himself. Never give him advice unless he asks for. When you are stressed, before talking about your feelings, tell the man that it’s just a talking and not a solution-seeking talk, men will feel relieved and could listen with relax.

For men, try to understand that when women are talking about their feelings, they don’t intend to find a solution, neither do they blame the men. What men could do is just listening without feeling responsible for solving women’s problems. When a man is stressed, tell the woman that you need some time and private space to think about something if you have to. If you don’t want to tell her that you are stressed, listening to her without feeling responsible is also a way to distract yourself from your problems.