How to Understand Others and Improve Communication (4)

We use all the 3 primary Representational Systems (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) all the time, although we are not equally aware of them all, and we tend to favor some over others.

For example, many people have an inner voice that runs in the auditory system creating an internal dialogue. They rehearse arguments and speeches, make up replies and generally talk things over with themselves. This is known as Auditory Digital system. As it is distinct from the basic auditory system, it is picked out in particular.

A. Characteristics Generalizations

• Head: lean to one side, resting on their hand or fist. This is known as a “telephone position”.
• Breathe: shallow and restricted.
• Little eye contact, sometimes seem to look through you.
• Voice: little vocal variations, talk in monotone.
• Choice of words: experience, understand, think etc.
• Move lips while in deep thought.
• Gestures: little, stationary.
• Keep a distance to disconnect an analyze things.
• More dissoiated in their experience.
• Challenge: external sensory awareness.
• General appearance: neat, functional, down to earth.

B. How to Create Rapport with Auditory Digital People

• Illustrations: give them plenty of time to look through; presentation kits, graphs, charts, pictures and include more write-ups.
• Use digital descriptive words, like think, opinion, understand, know; help them make sense with a systematic approach.
• Match their speaking tone.
• They learn best through reading and analysis: provide them ample factual and logical information; give them time to think things through.
• Give them the details first: organize information and present it step by step; give them time to “talk to themselves”; engage their thinking with you by asking factual questions.
• Encourage them to discuss what they are thinking: let them backtrack what you have just said; engage their senses in your presentation.
• Get eye contact from them.
• Give them space.

This is the end of the Representational System topic. People are always richer than generalizations about them. These generalizations must be checked against observation and experience.

How to Understand Others and Improve Communication (3)

3. Kinesthetics

A. Characteristics Generalizations

• Head & chin: tilt slightly downwards.
• Breathe: deeply, low in the stomach area.
• Lesser eye contact.
• Voice: lower tonality, slower tempo.
• Speak with pauses.
• Words used often: feel, hold, handle, etc.
• Gestures: emotionally localize around upper body.
• Standclose to people and like to touch, to feel the information.
• More associated to their experience.
• Challenge: detaching from emotions.
• General apperance: usually in comfortable clothing.

(Rodin’s famous sculpture of “The Thinker”, is thinking kinesthetically.) 

B. How to Create Rapport with Kinesthetic People

• Illustrations: presentation kits, graphs, pictures in 1-2 pages.
• Use kinesthetic descriptive words, like feel, touch, concrete, hold, handle, etc.; help them feel what you are saying.
• Slow down your talking: be patient with their pauses and tempo of speech.
• They learn best through physical involvement: let them experiment by try things out; encourage them to write things down; when planning for future events encourage them to use all their other senses, such as visualizing, talking things through and do role-plays.
• Give them “hands-on” experience: give them something to touch, even brochures; walk them through your product, office, home etc.; share your feelings to engage their emotions.
• Minimize physical distractions: be comfortable yourself with dressing, make-up, hair; select appropriate location, airy, temperature and cozy furniture.
• Match their eye contact: the least eye contact amongh all types.
• Gradually sit or stand closer: they respond well to touch, however take the lead from them.

How to Understand Others and Improve Communication (2)

2. Auditories
A. Characteristics Generalization

• Head: turn towards the speaker.
• Breathe: evenly over the whole chest.
• Look away to avoid distraction.
• Voice: nice tone and rhythmic tempo.
• Clear enunciation: make effort to get it “tonally” right.
• Verbally repeat what they have just heard.
• Words often used: hear, sound, talk, etc.
• Gestures: gentle and flowing.
• Stand closer to others to listen better.
• Sequential in thinking.
• Challenge: easily distracted by sounds.

B. How to Creat Rapport with Auditory People

• Illustration: give them 10 seconds to browse through; concentrate on the verbal interaction; highlight important quotes or statements, etc.
• Use auditory descriptive words, likehear, saying, sound, explain, etc.; let them experience what it sounds like.
• Maintain rhythm while talking. Be aware of your vocal inflections and intonations.
• They learn best through listening and discussing: verbally repeat key points and reflect what they say; encourage them to think out loud; give them audio recordings; engage them over the phone.
• Give information in sequence: listen and utilize their key phrases or words; use power quotes.
• Minimize sound distractions: reduce pauses, um, er, ah, etc.; select appropriate location, typically quiet and muted background music.
• Match their eye contact: lesser eye contact than the visuals.
• Stand or sit closer.

How to Understand Others and Improve Communication (1)

In order to have a good communication, we must treat others in the way they like, instead of the way we like. Therefore, we need to understand others and find out what type of person he/she is, so that we can adjust ourselves and match with them.

In NLP, people are differentiated into 3 primary types by the way we process information through senses. They are the visual type, auditory type and kinesthetic type. (They are also known as Representational Systems.) Thus, we need to figure out what the other person’s preferred representational system is and how we adjust ourselves.

1. Visuals

A. Characteristics Generalizations

• Head: usually tilt slightly upwards.
• Breathe: higher in the chest and shallow.
• Good eye contact.
• Neck: straight and erect.
• Voice: higher pitched.
• Talk in quick burst.
• Words used often: see, look, picture etc.
• Gestures: unpredictable.
• Keep a distance from others in order to see better.
• Big picture in thinking.
• Challenge: remembering verbal instructions.
• General apperance: neat, good color and shape co-ordination.

B. How to Create Rapport with Visual People

• Illustration: give them ample time to look through; demonstrate with hand gestures; use colorful presentation kits, graphs, charts and pictures; etc.
• Use visual descriptive words, like see, picture, focus, show, etc.
• Speed up your tempo.
• They learn best through watching and reading: use illustrations to highlight your key points; let them verbally express their “picturesque” thoughts; show them videos; engage them with gestures.
• Give them the “big picture” first. Give summaries and information in bullet points.
• Minimize visual distractions: keep your dressing, make-up, hair, table neat; select appropriate location, typically bright, spacious, matching colors.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Give them space: stand, sit, illustrate with a 2-3 feet distance.