Find Our Way Home–Inner Peace Introduction

 

1.  What Is Inner Peace?

• Wikipedia

Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally or spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress.

Being “at peace” is considered by many to be healthy (homeostasis) and the opposite of being stressed or anxious. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and happiness.

Peace of mind, serenity and calmness are descriptions of a disposition free from the effects of stress.

• As a Man Thinketh (by James Allen)

 As a Man Thinketh is a classic self-help book, written by James Allen (1864-1912), a British philosophical writer. In the last chapter of the book, James Allen expounded senerity, calmness of mind.

A man in calmness of mind ceases to fuss, fume, worry, and grieve. He remains poised, steadfast, and serene.

A calm man has a tranquil heart, a sweet-tempered, balanced life. It does not matter whether it rains or shines, or what changes come to him, for he is always serene and calm. He makes the winds and the storms of the soul obey him.

2. Who Can Attain Inner Peace?

Any person can attain inner peace as long as he is earnest to attain it and willing to devote the necessary time and energy.

Inner peace is not the privilege of special people. It is not reserved only to yogis, hermits or monks, sitting alone in a far off place, praying or meditating all day long. It can also be attained by people living an ordinary life, who have a job, married and with children.

3. How to Attain Inner Peace?

Inner peace is independent of external conditions and circumstances. It comes from within.

James Allen, in As a Man Thinketh, believed that calmness of mind is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.

Inner peace begins with transformation of our mind. When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations, we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the mind. If we were to respond to difficulties with a positive or peaceful mind, they would not be problems for us; indeed we may even come to regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we respond to situations with a negative state of mind. Therefore, if we want to transform our life and be free from problems, we must learn to transform our mind. Sufferings, problems, worries, unhappiness, and pain all exist within our mind; they are all unpleasant feelings, which are part of the mind. Through controlling and purifying our mind we can stop them once and for all.

References

1. 20 Reasons Why You Need Inner Peace and Tranquility, Remez Sasson

2. Inner Peace

3. As a Man Thinketh, James Allen

Picture by oberazzi (Tim O’Brien)

How to Make Our Goals Achievable (3)

7. Ecology: What will you gain or lose in achieving this goal?

• Will you lose anything that you now have by achieving this goal? This means thinking about your goal in a holistic sense, including its effects on your other goals, other areas of your life and how it might affect other people you care for.
• E.g. “Am I ready for a promotion as I become a competent presenter?” “How will my success affect my current working buddies?” “I will need to spend more time and money on this endeavor, which will mean lesser time for myself and my family, am I prepared for it?”

8. Worthwhile: What will achieving this outcome get for you? Or what is so important to you about achieving this outcome?

• When we are clear about how our outcome will fulfill the important things that we value, we will obviously be more motivated to do it.

9. Action: What and when is your first step in getting this goal into motion?

• Knowing what to do is not as important as doing what you know. Break your goal down to manageable steps and take action now.
• E.g. “I’ve got to go now, and fill up the registration form for the Trainer’s training.” 

Those 9 steps are sure to make your goals achievable as they help you write out your goal in detail, think about the prevetions, and set a definite date and a clear action plan, which lead you step by step to your goal. Let’s act on them and act now!

How to Make Our Goals Achievable (2)

4. Context: Where, When & with Whom do you want it?

• Under what situations do I want to use this outcome? Do I want this outcome “all” the time? With whom do I want it? When do I want this outcome to materialize?
• E.g. “When I see myself in a conference or seminar room, I will wak tall and project my voice with calmness and clarity. I am confident, for I have studied all the necessary information and arranged all the presentation materials.”

5. Preventing: What stops you from already having your goal?

• Knowing what usually stops you from achieving your goal helps you formulate strategies to overcome it and become aware of those potholes.
• E.g. “Setting out the right amount of time to prepare all the necessary arrangements and rehearse my presentation.

6. Resources: What resources do you already have that will assist ou in reaching your goal? What other resources do you need?

• Find existing resources——”I can make full use of the experiences from my past presentations. And I already know what mistakes to avoid and what important points to emphasize. I can learn from John who has years of experience in this sort of presentation.”
• Additional resources——”I need to find ways to have full control of my voice and build a solid belief that I’ve got what it takes to succeed.” “I want to join the Trainer’s Course to learn advanced skills and create opportunities for me to practice.”

How to Make Our Goals Achievable (1)

We like to set goals. Meanwhile, we often fail to achieve them eventually. Sometimes, it’s because at the very beginning, we didn’t give our goals a clear picture. Our goals are too vague or too abstract. Think about those goals, “I don’t want to be nervous”, “I want to lose weight this year”, “I want to be positive”, etc. They are hard to achieve, aren’t they? In order to make our goals achievable, we may give a try the following method in NLP. 

1. Positively Stated: What exactly do you want?

• Make sure your goal is stated in terms of what you want, not what you don’t want.
• E.g. “I don’t want to be nervous”. Then all that you think of will be nervousness. Instead, try to set a goal like this, “I want to be carm.”
• Pick one goal at a time and elaborate it. Which goal, when attained, will have the largest influence on all the rest?

2. Control: Can you achieve this goal yourself, no matter what other people do?

• Make sure your goal is stated in a way that you get it yourself, leaving no room for blaming other people or circumstances.
• E.g. “I want to stop panicking when the audience doesn’t respond me.” We have no control over them, do we? Instead, set it like this, “I will remain in a calm and resourceful state when the audience doesn’t respond, and objectively use other well-thought-out questions to induce their involvement with me.”

3. Evidence: How will you know when you’ve got your goal?

• Imagine achieving your goal now, what will you see, hear or feel? Put yourself into the future and fully experience it. Think about the performance criteria and ongoing feedbacks.
• E.g. “I know I’ve achieved my goal when I feel confident” is not specific. The right evidence is “When I see clients asking me for an appointment after my presentation, and I hear myself answering all their questions in a calm and firm voice.”

Respect Is to Be Grown

 

Recently, in one of the Toastmasters Table Topics Contests, a topic was “Respect is to be earned.” It is true but I prefer “Respect is to be grown”, which sounds more proactive and shows people the way to get respect from others.

We all want to be respected. To be respected is a human need. But this need can’t be produced on its own. We must make efforts to grow respect and take care of it, until one day we can achieve the result——to be respected.

When growing the crop, we must use our heart with care and attendance. Fruits cannot be got only by using advanced machines or techniques. It’s true as for respect. Use our heart to care about each and every person around us, make them feel important and appreciated, and try our best to help them.

There’s a man (let’s call him G) respected by almost everyone in our Toastmasters club. He is respected not because he was once the district governor, but because he shows care, appreciation and support to everyone he meets.

In a conference last year, I sat near G. After the meeting, a member he hadn’t met before came to him to say goodbye. He stood up, shook hands with him, and asked his name and something about his membership. That was out of my expectation. G was so approachable as a past district governor and I could tell the member felt cared and appreciated. Making everyone feel important gives G the credit to be respected.

You can always find G for guidance and advices as well, even though you may just get to know him. A friend of mine was determined to win the speech contest last year, so he decided to get suggestions from G. Although my friend had just been to G’s club twice, G invited my friend to his office and gave him a lot of guidance and advices.

When a speech is really boring, what are you doing? Every time as long as G is in a club meeting, no one will feel ignored even though the speaker’s speech is really boring. Once during the club meeting, after G went out for an important call, a speaker began his speech. I’m sorry to admit that his speech was really boring and he wasn’t articulate at all. Few of the audience looked at him and made response. The speaker himself began to feel boring and couldn’t wait to finish his speech. After a few seconds, G came back to the room. The speaker was saying that he finally made a decision to do something and went closer to his dream, G made a “wow” and “oh, yeah”. All the other audience began to pay attention to the speaker and responded, “Great!” The speaker’s eyes suddenly glittered and said, “yes, I made that decision!” He felt being encouraged and then filled with enthusiasm to continue his speech. Appreciation and support, G gives that to everyone.

There’s no wonder that everyone G meets come to say hello to him, and there’s no wonder when he shows up the crowd cheers the most. To be respected has nothing to do with the title, but the respect for others with our heart. Grow the respect, then you’ll receive the respect.

Laws of Leadership No.7—The Law of Respect

Respect is earned by a leader’s strength within.

People respect a leader who makes sound decisions, admits his mistakes, tries his best for followers and puts the organization ahead of his own personal agendas.

Respect is essential for lasting leadership.

Laws of Leadership No.6–The Law of Solid Ground (Trust Is the Foundation of Leadership)

This law emphasizes the importance of good character to a leader.

Character creates trust, and trust makes leadership possible. Whenever you lead people, it is as if they consent to take a journey with you, the way that the trip will turn out is predicted by your character. With good character, the longer the trip is, the better it seems to get; but if your character is flawed, the longer the trip is, the worse it is. No one enjoys spending time with someone he doesn’t trust.

Why character is so important for leadership? Because it communicates at least three things to followers.

1. Consistency

If your ability changes constantly, your people don’t know what to expect from you as a leader, at some point, they won’t look to you for leadership.

2. Potential

Trust is built by achieving results with integrity. When people trust you, they believe your relationship has a future.

3. Respect

When you don’t have strength within, you can’t earn respect with-out. Respect is essential for lasting leadership.

Understand Others Better (4)

Digital Auditories

• I make important decisions based on precise review and study of the issues.
• During an argument, I’m most likely to be influenced by the logic of the other person’s argument.
• I most easily communicate what is going on with me by the words I chose.
• It’s easier for me to select the most intellectually relevant point in an interesting subject.
• I’m very adept at making sense of new facts and data.
• I treasure moments of inner reflection.
• I need to go “inside” and rationalize with myself about most new learnings.
• I have an analytical mind talks to itself frequently.
• Quiet moments of inner self-talk is essential for me to make a good decision.
• I tend to detach myself from others to evaluate them accurately.
• The quietness of a car is important, as it allows me to hear myself think.
• I love the challenge of answering my own questions inwardly.
• I usually have to talk to myself internally until I sense the right name of a person.
• I learn best when I can analyze things by reasoning with myself.
• I tend to dissociate myself from others to make better judgements logically.
• I exercise so that I can hear myself say “Awesome”!
• I like a house with rooms that are quiet enough for self-evaluation.
• My abilities in logical reasoning are well known among my friends.
• I like reading thought-provoking books that encourages me to reason with myself.

You may find that you can pick out descriptions that suit you in each of those four types. It’s quite normal as our behaviors are generated from a mixture of internal and external sense experiences. We can have a mixture of those types at the same time and they are not mutually exclusive.

However, we do tend to use one or two internal senses (visual, auditory, kinesthetic or digital auditory sense) habitually or naturally, and they have become smooth and distinguished. This is called our Preferred Representational System (PRS) in NLP.

Understand Others Better (3)

Kinesthetics

• I make important decisions based on gut level feelings.
• During an argument, I’m most likely to be influenced by whether or not I’m in touch with the other person’s true feelings.
• I most easily communicate what is going on with me by the feelings I share.
• It’s easier for me to select the most comfortable furniture.
• I’m very sensitive to the way articles of clothing feel on my body.
• I felt compelled to dance to good music.
• I tend to answer questions using my gut feelings.
• I have a keen sense of touching and feeling things.
• I find myself holding or touching things as they are being explained.
• The way others shake hands with me means a lot to me.
• I like a car that feels good when I drive in it.
• I tend to touch people when I’m talking.
• I can’t remember what people look like, however I usually have a familiar feeling that I’ve met them before.
• I like to participate in activities rather than watch.
• I feel positive or negative towards others, sometimes without knowing why.
• I exercise because of the way I feel afterward.
• It’s all important to me that a house feels cozy and comfortable.
• I’ve been told that I’m well-coordinated.
• I like hands on do-it-yourself activities.

Understant Others Better (2)

Auditories

• I make important decisions based on which way sounds the best.
• During an argument, I’m most likely to be influenced by the other person’s tone of voice.
• I most easily communicate what is going on with me by my tone of voice.
• It’s easier for me to find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system.
• I’m very attuned to the sounds fo my surroundings.
• I love to listen to music.
• I would rather take an oral test than a written one.
• I’ve been told that I have a great speaking voice.
• I can resolve problems more quickly when I talk aloud t myself.
• I can usually determine sincerity by the tonality of a person’s voice.
• I can hear even the slightest noise that my car makes.
• Others tell me that I’m easy to talk to.
• I’m fairly aware of what voices sound like on the phone, as well as face to face.
• I would rather have an idea explained to me than to read it.
• I’m patient in waiting for others to finish their sentence.
• I exercise because I love the compliments others are giving me.
• It’s crucial that my house is conducive for music listening.
• I like to match the way people talk.
• I really enjoy having interesting conversations with my friends.